I am thankful for those things in my life that keep me weak and dependable on God. During this journey of feeling called, receiving confirmation but being told that the “idea” is impossible, attempting to make plans, and trying to nail down last minute details, there has been many occasions that I have felt too weak and “unequipped” for this calling. I remember a day that I was at a women’s missions conference at my church, and it was during the period of time that I was telling God “No way, I can’t move to Kentucky. You’re crazy Lord”. I sat there in my chair, tears streaming down my face, fighting God with thoughts of doubts and fears for pretty much the whole conference. Finally a speaker goes up and talks about dandelions. At first I was uninterested, thinking “how in the world does a dandelion pertain to what I am going through right now”? But then the speaker started saying that a dandelion first has to die before it blossoms. Once it blossoms, each tiny seed, with the help of the wind, travels and plants itself into soil to produce new dandelions. That’s when I realized that I first need to die to myself and allow God to help me grow and blossom.. The Lord is that wind that aids me in planting seeds and making disciples. The whole conference I was battling God telling Him “I’m too weak, Lord. I can’t. It’s impossible”. But finally, when I was still and silent, I heard Him say “You are too weak. You can’t do this on your own. And without me, this IS impossible. But that is why I have chosen you, Amanda. This is for MY glory”. I was definitely humbled. God’s desire is to send someone that has no idea what she is doing- and that is definitely me. I just graduated high school. I’ve never held a normal job. I’ve never owned a car. The list can go on and on with the things that I am unexperienced in. There is no opportunity for me to try and take any glory, because I have no idea what I am doing. (Which is nice because pride has always been a constant struggle of mine). All I know, is that God is faithful- and in my weaknesses, my many, many weaknesses, HE is giving me the strength that I need to complete each task that He has handed me. His grace is sufficient, it’s all I need. Please pray that God will continue to humble me and remove the vile parts of my heart that do not belong to one of God’s daughters.
All For Him,